When I drive to East Meck in the mornings, I find myself sitting at the helm of my yellow 2004 Ford Mustang, enraged. In front of me, at 7:10 AM, idle twenty cars, each with their hazards on, waiting to deposit their children directly in front of East Meck’s doors. Despite Steve Drye’s pleas for these people to stop their shenanigans, no one has listened, and the problem remains. To that end, I have developed a five-step plan to finally fix the traffic problem in front of our school, once and for all.

1. Expand Monroe Road by adding five more lanes. The transformation of the road into a superhighway will cost only one hundred million dollars, and allow enough space for vehicles to go around the curb-hoggers.
2. Get rid of all Monroe Road speed limits, allowing for smoother traffic flow. This has the side benefit of dissuading sudden stops and lane changes. 
3. Install an automatic cannon, powered by ChatGPT, which will mow down any people foolish enough to step out of their vehicles when the light is green.
4. Electrify Monroe Road itself from 5:00 AM to 7:30 AM. The electric shock will travel through any students illegally crossing the road, without affecting the vehicles.
5. Feed misbehaving drivers a stew that makes them go blind for a day. All mothers agree the most effective punishment is a one day blinding stew.