On Monday, CMS Superintendent Dr. Crystal Hill emerged from her burrow, in accordance with annual tradition, and saw her shadow. After taking sight of the dark patch on the ground, Dr. Hill promptly turned her tail between her legs and fled at high speed back into the darkness.

After retreating to her den, Dr. Hill issued a statement proclaiming “school is canceled until spring arrives.” Despite protests from many parents and teachers, potential critics have found it hard to argue with meteorologists’ demands forbidding Charlotte residents from “leaving [their houses] over the next couple months.”

For this new cancellation, the Nobel Committee in Oslo is reportedly considering Dr. Hill for the Nobel Peace Prize. More importantly, The Beagle and its staff have put Dr. Hill under consideration for the sought-after Administrator of the Year award, where she will face harsh competition from other beloved figures like Mr. Drye.