Despite Principal Drye’s birthday today, The Beagle‘s staff wishes to remind our readers that NO celebratory items will be allowed on East Meck’s campus. We know all East Meck students would love to bring Mr. Drye many presents, but we must issue a reminder that items are prohibited, including, but not limited to, the following things:
13. Decorative busts that don’t really look that much like Steve Drye, but you could maybe see it if you squinted
14. Decorative busts of any kind
15. Non-decorative busts
16. White balloons
17. Original copy of the Magna Carta
18. Velociraptors capable of running over 30 mph
19. Bad attitudes
20. Yellow balloons
21. Medieval torture devices (no, not even the iron maiden, even if it wasn’t actually used as a torture device)
22. Medieval pleasuring devices
23. Live eagles
24. Dead eagles
25. Comatose eagles
26. Frankensteined eagles
27. Rick Parker
28. Red balloons (again)
29. “Bouncing Betty” land mines explicitly forbidden by the Geneva Conventions
30. Blue balloons
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION IN THIS MATTER!!
