Principal Steve Drye has just announced a new “draconian” phone policy set to be enforced starting next Monday, September 8th. 

“In order to reduce the amount of distractions in the classroom, we will now be mandating that students dispose of their personal devices in a blast furnace before the bell rings,” said Drye. “This will help maintain an orderly environment, while providing us with extra scrap metal.”

Although some are upset by this change, many say that it will usher in a new era of focused learning inside East Meck’s hallowed halls.

“Total Device Annihilation is the only proven strategy to reduce cheating, distractions, and Subway Surfers playing during class,” stated an anonymous teacher. “It will give me no satisfaction to see students’ phones go up in ashes at the beginning of the day, but it is a necessary step. It might also give me a little bit of satisfaction.”

Many students were reportedly despondent at this news. “I don’t understand why this was needed,” said Brandon Montero (10th). “Subway Surfers is a human right, whether I’m failing all my classes or not.”