This week, an East Meck student tragically perished after being stuck in the 4000 stairwell for upwards of fifty years. 

The student, Jeremy Powell (11th), was said to have developed a rare form of fingernail melanoma on the forty-seventh step, forty years after leaving his Honors English III class. As Jeremy made his way down to the first floor, the disease slowly progressed until he collapsed on the fourth-to-last step.

Reportedly to blame for the decades-long traffic was a group of freshmen who were still learning how to walk down the stairs at a pace exceeding one step per hour.

In response to the incident, the Charlotte-Mecklenburg School Board has adopted a resolution calling for an investigative committee to look into forming an investigative committee. “With any luck, this stairwell situation will be sorted by 2100,” said Superindendent Crystal Hill.