School Power Fails After Overwhelming Bark AI Usage
East Meck’s power grid failed Tuesday after a surge in Bark AI usage skyrocketed demand.
Drye Mandates Pointless Tests to Prepare for Pointless Tests
Space Chancellor Steve Drye announced today that the upcoming fortnight’s schedule would be utterly destroyed in order to accommodate more pointless testing.
Drye’s Birthday — ITEMS NOT ALLOWED
NO ITEMS ALLOWED
Despite Principal Drye’s birthday today, The Beagle‘s staff wishes to remind our readers that NO celebratory items will be allowed on East Meck’s campus
Crystal Hill Sees Shadow, Proclaims 6 More Weeks of Winter Break
CMS Superintendent Crystal Hill saw her shadow on Monday morning and declared school’s cancellation for the next eight weeks.
Head Beagler Fired After Taking Sixty Consecutive Sick Days
The Head Beagler of the beloved East Meck Beagle was fired today after taking sixty-two consecutive sick days.
Pardoned Turkey Allegedly Donated Millions to Trump Campaign
The turkey pardoned by President Donald Trump allegedly had significant financial ties to his campaign, our journalists discovered.
Steve Drye Announces “East Tech”
Principal Drye announced Monday the school would be undergoing a high-tech transformation.
Student Detained for Protesting Wrong
A student was detained this Tuesday after protesting incorrectly.
IBESS Student Learns Something
An IB Environmental Systems & Societies student reportedly learned something for the first time this Monday.
Student Dies of Old Age in 4000 Stairwell
A student tragically perished this week after waiting over 50 years to get down from the 4300.